pumpkins. remembering. hugs. you. comfy couch. warm drinks. grey clouds. car drive. music. long road. blankets. faces. lipstick. words. journal. school. autumn. meeting kitties. taking pictures. taking walks. inspiration. banana bread. spices. clean. crisp air. leaves.
I think you are a gorgeous young woman. You have the heart of a lion and a lamb; your soul is the perfect coexistence of righteous ferocity and boldness, and the undignified likeness of a child, the simple serenity of knowing true love. Your heart radiates beyond your chest, you carry a beacon of what it means to be genuine. I feel like I barely know you, but I know everything about you: how lucky is He that can number the hairs on your head.
Whoever you are, you surely know how to brighten up someone’s day. And you are a gifted writer as well. Reading this really meant a lot to me. Thank you. And, I am happy that I can in some way represent these things that you mentioned. I feel so blessed and encouraged, really. :))
For some reason, I want to be that which He already sees me as. And, I know this. I sometimes struggle with comparing myself to other Christians and feeling spiritually immature. Even as I write this, I feel immature, because I am not relishing in the fact that I have been set free from these false feelings by the One and Only. But, I guess I will just let myself write; honestly. Sometimes I don’t feel capable of getting to a certain level of closeness with God, or I simply feel that I am too lazy to live the life that I was called for. I sometimes struggle with feeling as if I have to accomplish something huge. I can be really hard on myself. I feel as though I have to make a huge impact on the world for my life to matter. I seek approval in the wrong areas, and I look for worth in my productivity and creativity. If others see how much I do for Jesus, for others; if I know how to pray this way, or read my bible this way… I struggle with perfecting every aspect of my life. I struggle with perfecting relationships. I struggle with wanting the knowledge of HOW I can somehow be as “good” or “mature” as this person or that Christian. I struggle with guilt. I struggle with wanting to be as “set free” and charismatic. I struggle with wanting to be as pure and innocent. I struggle with blaming others for my lack of motivation. I struggle with feeling as though I am all talk. I know the truths that go along with all of this. I don’t HAVE to do ANYTHING for Jesus. He doesn’t want me to do anything for Him, He just wants ME. And I can’t compare myself to anybody else, because then I would not be me. And who I AM is the person that Jesus wants. And I am called to LOVE. My struggles to do not keep me from knowing or embracing these truths, nor do they stop me from following the path of love, but I must admit I have my days of insecurity and fear. I would just like to ask for your prayers, if you are reading.
Listening to worship, I started to peel back the layers of the music. I could hear the vocals, the lead guitar, the beat of the drums. Then, I listened more carefully for the back up vocals, the chimes. Even more faint, the faithful and constant flow of the bass. It occurred to me in that moment that in every situation, God’s melody can be found, loyally and consistently. When temptation is screaming at you, telling you what you should feel or how you should act. When your feelings of lust or greed or selfishness take up every thought in your mind. When all you can hear is yourself, your fear, lies. God’s song is playing for you. It is steadfast. It does not stop. In these moments when you can’t hear anything good, He is still directing the orchestra, He is still the foundation behind the atmosphere. Just listen. Be quiet and still before Him. Find that peace behind the chaos. It is more powerful than the noise. His Silence is louder than the sounds of the world.
Be patient, and do not take the present for granted. It will soon become a memory, a time that you will remember fondly. Do not take your presence for granted.